Robo Vampire, Colossus and The Amazon Queen, and Topline #scifi #movie Reviews

Dinner and a Bad Movie

Husband Unit and I watch these movies so you don’t have to…

Robo Vampire

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1988. Hong Kong.  Godfrey Ho’s Robo Vampire With Alex Jowski, Charley McMullen, mister X and Josh Hadley

So much went on in this movie and it didn’t all seem to belong in the same movie. It begins in the basement of a drug gang and they’re putting drugs in coffins. Oh, wait no, there’s a scene before that, but it doesn’t matter. We’ll start in the basement. A bunch of beings stand around like this…

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They start to wake up and attack the bumbling drug stockboys.  Because!! The drugs are not drugs, it’s rice powder, which pisses off the vampires. Fighting ensues involving bottle rockets shooting out of the vampires’ arms, bunny hopping – yes, the vampires bunny hop, which cracked me up every time – and some martial arts.

Never fear! The wizard saves the day by sticking bits of paper on the vampires’ heads. He controls the vampires with a sword, theatric arm gestures, and bits of paper. The vampires work with the drug gang.

Cue a subplot – the ghost and the vampire. This vampire looked like an ape…

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His true love is a ghost. Husband Unit said her see-through top was the only plus in the whole movie. Later she goes completely topless. Ooo! Anyway, she makes a deal to work with the wizard to be with her vampire love again. The deal doesn’t last long and I have no idea why. If you want this movie to make sense, you’ll miss out on all the fun.

The ghost and vampire have sex in a ghost/vampire way. I guess that’s what it was. All the same, it made me laugh. 

Another drug gang is in the movie. I wasn’t sure how they fit in exactly. Don’t think too hard about it, though. You’ll just wind up with a headache.

Anyway, the bad guys capture some drug agents. One gets killed and is turned into Robocop. Another dude is hired to rescue the captured drug agents.

I know this sounds disconnected, but so was the movie. The Robocop really had nothing to do with the rest of the plot. I think the plot was about Tommy rescuing the captured drug agents, but I can’t be certain.

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To sum up: I was uber entertained by the bunny hopping vampires shooting fireworks out of their arms. Boobs were the only redeeming highlight in HU’s opinion. He said this movie required four beers. I said three. So we settle out at 3.5

THREE POINT 5

 

Colossus and The Amazon Queen

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1960.  Director: Vittorio Sala Stars:  Rod Taylor, Ed Fury, Dorian Gray

After the Trojan War, Glauco is the strongest man amongst the Greeks. His friend Pirro meets two men who offer him a large sum of money to persuade Glauco to sail towards unexplored shores. Pirro accepts the proposal and convinces Glauco with a trick: he hits him on his head. The ship lands at a strange place where Pirro and the other men aboard are drugged and find themselves in the hands of the Amazons. Only Glauco escapes, saved from the Egyptian inventor Sofo and he falls in love with Antiope. Between loves and duels, conspiracies and ruses, the pirates will bring together Amazons and Greeks.

No human-devouring reptiles, but it was an entertaining enough watch. The plot made sense and tracked, which is a bonus. The stars were purty. Men and women scantily clad, another bonus. Lots of wrestling. Men trying to behave like women, which made us both laugh. You can’t lose if Colossus is on your side. Bonus: A nice musical dance interlude.

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Husband gives it a one beer rating. I thought it needed two beers to be uber fun. That settles it at 1.5

ONE POINT FIVE BEER

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Topline

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1988. An Italian movie filmed in Columbia.

Author Ted Angelo discovers an UFO in the Columbian jungle. When he tries to spread the word, he earns more than the usual disbelief: suddenly he’s hunted by almost every organization, like CIA, KGB, the mob, Nazis… and even extraterrestrials – Those ETs obviously do not want to go home.

Warning: There was no manscaping in this movie.

Now that we have that out of the way, the author is a drunk, of course. We all are. You might as well all admit it in the comments. Go on and say how many drinks you’ve had today.

The plot actually makes sense. That’s two in a row that made sense. Wow. And it wasn’t so horrible. Except the film quality was terrible, so sometimes we didn’t know what we were looking at. The view of the alien ship wasn’t clear at all. I wanted a better look at it.

There may have been topless women, but it was hard to tell… the picture quality and all. 

Hilarity ensued with a drunk couple and a truck chase… trucks instead of cars. At times we were much reminded of Indiana Jones and Romancing the Stone. Everybody was out to get our hero. Absolutely everybody. One somebody turned into a robot.

My favorite scene: Robot versus a gansta cow! Guess who wins?

 

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Gangstas!

Gangstas!

 

At the end a character changes into an alien, and it was actually really cool. Maybe a little slow, but the transformation was worth the price of admission.

Husband Unit gave this a 1/2 beer rating (I’m assuming for boobage, a robot, and aliens). I gave it a 1 1/2 beer rating (gangstas all the way!), which settles out at one beer.

ONE BEER

Have you seen any of these? Are you tempted to watch? And you know what I’ll be watching July 30th! That’s right! SharkNado2, baby! Can’t wait.

 

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Discovering #Oregon: The Charming Ashwood, A Living Ghost Town, Soulless, and a Party! #SpecFic #Giveaway

 

The Husband Unit and I love trips out into the quiet areas of Oregon, places so sparsely populated I can hear the Earth breathe. We visited several ‘ghost towns’ recently. I’m not sure I’d classify them as such. People still live there.

Once upon a time, before I was west-coastacized, I wouldn’t have understood the appeal of such out of the way, lonely places. Now I do. These people dwell with unspoiled spectacular scenery that they don’t have to share.

I could stop on the road and take pictures without worry of another car. I usually parked on an obliging shoulder anyway.

In true Husband Unit and I fashion, it took us three hours to get to Ashwood, which is about 70 minutes from where we live. Why does it take so long? Because I stop every quarter of a mile or so to take photos. 

Ashwood had its booms in 1900 and 1910. Nearby Shaniko (which we also visited and I’ll post about later) had the first railway station in Central Oregon. Ranchers herded their sheep there (Shaniko would make $3 million+ in one day during the boom, a whole lot of coin in 1900). Ashwood benefited from proximity in 1900 with lots of sheep ranches. In 1910 they had a gold and silver mining boom. The mines soon played out and the area returned to ranches and agriculture.

It’s currently popular with rockhounds for jasper, petrified wood, and thunder eggs (the Oregon state rock). And it’s also popular with photo hounds. You can learn more about Ashwood HERE

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On the way there, we had to put up with these views.

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Then we finally arrived in the charming town of Ashwood…

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It’s not authentic Oregon if a sign doesn’t have bullet holes.

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The church still holds service at 10 a.m. on Sundays

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We were amused by the parking meter – in front of the right hand window

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So, I’m sure you noticed by now I redid my website. There’s now a ‘Pix tab where I’ll be putting my photos. There are already a few galleries there. Photos I didn’t post here are there and I’ll be adding to the galleries as I get pictures prepared and uploaded. It’ll take time. On this trip alone I took over 700 photos. That’s normal.  I’d say that’s my outdoor hobby.

My home page now lists current events/appearances (I’m on a panel about publishing in July) and my latest releases – Stopover at the Backworlds’ Edge  in audio, Worlds on Edge in print, and Heroes of Phenomena.

 

Soulless

Have you met the Soulless and Passionate? In the world of 1770 where supernatural beings mix with humanity, Alexia is playing a deadly game.

SOULLESS, Book 2 in the Maiden of Time trilogy

 
Alexia manipulated time to save the man of her dreams, and
lost her best friend to red-eyed wraiths. Still grieving, she struggles to
reconcile her loss with what was gained: her impending marriage. But when her
wedding is destroyed by the Soulless—who then steal the only protection her
people have—she’s forced to unleash her true power.
 
And risk losing everything.
 
What people are saying about this series: 
“With a completely unique plot that keeps you guessing and interested, it brings you close to the characters, sympathizing with them and understanding their trials and tribulations.” –SC, Amazon reviewer
 
“It’s clean, classy and supernaturally packed with suspense, longing, intrigue and magic.” –Jill Jennings, TX
 
“SWOON.” –Sherlyn, Mermaid with a Book Reviewer
 

Crystal Collier is a young adult author who pens dark fantasy, historical, and romance hybrids. She can be found practicing her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, three littles, and “friend†(a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. You can find her on her blog and Facebook, or follow her on Twitter.


COMING October 13, 2014


 

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The Allure of the Fairy Tale. The Mystery Prince by Mary Waibel #fantasy and a #Giveaway

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Elena Ringo http://www.elena-ringo.com

 

 

Visiting author Mary Waibel:

 

Fairytales. What is it about these stories that capture our imaginations? Is it the magic? The fantastical creatures? The happily-ever-after?

I have several DVD’s of classic fairytales. Disney’s Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, as well as Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, and Warner Brother’s Quest for Camelot. (Yes, I know this isn’t a true fairytale, but humor me.)

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These stories all have several things in common. What are they?

A spell. Whether it be cast by a disgruntled fairy, a fairy godmother, or a knight bent on conquering the world, each of these stories contains a spell. Which leads to our next thing in common.

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ESA/Hubble

 

Magic. Beyond the spell, magic abounds, be it in fantastical creatures, like talking candlesticks, or flower sprites, or dragons. Magic can be used for good, or bad. And magic often leads to a happy-ever-after ending.

I’m a sucker for this kind of ending. Knowing the guy got the girl, or the girl saved the guy, and they can face all their tomorrows together, because of their triumph is such a satisfying ending for me.

Now, it’s your turn. What other things do you think these stories have in common? Please share your thoughts in the comments. One lucky commenter will receive a copy of The Mystery Prince.

 

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Cover by CK Volnek

 

The Mystery Prince, a novella

Tristan enjoys being in the shadows as Prince Rand’s bodyguard. Similar in looks, the two often exchanged places in their youth, but he never expected the king to order him to impersonate the heir to the throne in order to win the hand of a princess.

Princess Zoe needs to find a husband. After a year of searching with no success, her father insists on hosting a masquerade ball for the eligible princes of the nine kingdoms. Not one prince piques her interest, until she meets the mysterious stranger who won’t tell her his name.

When Tristan meets Zoe he finds the girl of his dreams. The only problem? She’s a princess and he’s impersonating a prince―a crime punishable by imprisonment and floggings. Unable to tell Zoe his real name, he gives her a special navigation device. One that leads to the owner’s true love. Will this magic device lead Zoe to Tristan, or will her true love forever remain a mystery prince?

 

Available From: Amazon

 

Mary Waibel:

Author Photo- Mary WaibelMary lives with her husband, son and two cats. When she isn’t twisting fairytales, she enjoys reading, playing games, watching hockey, and camping. Her Princess of Valendria series (Quest of the Hart, Charmed Memories, Different Kind of Knight) are available from MuseItUp Publishing and other major retailers. The Mystery Prince, a novella, is available at Amazon. Her Faery Marked (book 1 in the Faery Series), published by BookFish Books, will be available this summer.

 

You can find Mary Waibel at: Blog / FB / Twitter

 

Be sure to leave a comment about what Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and The Quest for Camelot have in common for a chance to win a copy of The Mystery Prince.

 

 

 

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Dilemmas of the Author Kind – Deadlines, Falling Behind, Launch Dates, and Clones #writing

 

Dilemmas of the author kind, and I have more than one.

     1.  I finished the first draft of The Initiate, yet am way behind – the author mantra. Right? I should be almost done with revising. Instead I’m just starting on the revisions for The Rifters and The Initiate. No matter what, my deadline with my editor stands firm at August 1st. On the plus side, I have the shiny new cover. Isn’t she purty?

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     2.  I should be free and clear for July to put the hammer down on Backworlds #6, Precipice. Instead I’m sharing time with revisions. How far I get by the end of this month will determine when this book will get out. On the plus side, I did a brief outline and started it. It’s so going to rock. Oh the dastardly things I do to my friends.

   3.  I left myself a very tight window to get The Rifters and The Initiate edited, formatted, and uploaded. Since the first book is going to be permafree, the short time was making me nervous. So I pushed back the launch of The Rifters to September 8th. I feel so much better about it. That should be enough time to get it Free on Amazon… me hopes. The Initiate was pushed back one week to October 20th.

     4.  There aren’t enough of me. I seriously need clones.

 

Also going on…

~ My website has a new look. It took me a whole day to redo it. You probably noticed. The following day, I was monkeying around with plugins and my site crashed. A lovely page of diamonds and question marks. Yikes! I called my brother and begged for help. So what you see is the result of his computer wizardry and magic… my site is restoreth. He also taught me how to backup my website. Very handy to know… something one must do before adding new plugins.

~ Untethered Realms also has a new look. You should see its fierce header. I’ve been blinded by its beauty…

~ I’m on a panel this month! A panel on publishing. I’ll be representing the author-publisher point of view. Also on the panel: Marie Harte ~ traditionally and epublished; Karen Duvall ~ traditionally published; and Dave Edlund ~ articles and novels. Hope to see you there!

Thursday, July 24th, 6:30-8:30 p.m.  at the Deschutes County Services Building, DeArmond Conference Room, 1300 Wall Street, Bend, OR 97701.

~ I have books on sale this month! 50% off at Smashwords only. Use coupon SSW50 at checkout. Backworlds series on sale, books 1-5. Get caught up! HERE  The Renaissance of Hetty Locklear. Check it out HERE

How Nerd Am I? Untethered Realms reveals our nerd. Can you top our geek? I dare you. 

 

InsecureWritersSupportGroupThis is my July IWSG post, which meets the first Wednesday of every month. Created by the farvelous Alex J. Cavanaugh. It’s not too late to join us.

 

 

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Summer Drive-In #SciFi Movie Review: Monster of Crater Lake, Assassin, The Day Time Ended

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Whenever summer begins, I get strong memories of the drive-in. It never fails. The weather shifts and instantly I’m sitting in the backseat of a car with my friends, our bare feet over the front seat, a paper grocery sac filled with candy and junk food, frosty sodas and beers in a cooler, and some movie we didn’t care about on the screen.

Mostly I remember the summer night air, laughing, making ourselves sick on sugar, and talking. They’re great memories.

Summer, therefore, never fails to put me in the mood for hokey, cheesy science fiction movies. The cheesier and hokier, the better. Husband Unit and I watch them so you don’t have to… however, I hope some of you share my love of enjoyable bad movies.

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ASSASSIN

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1986, a made for TV movie, starring Robert Conrad. A retired agent from an Intelligence Agency is contacted by the Agency in order to stop an ultra-secret robot who is killing some government officials. 

This movie was on the same disc as THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER. Its feel ala The Six Million Dollar Man caught our attention, so we watched.

Was it great? No, but we had fun watching it thinking of bionic people. The plot really lags for a bit before the big finale, but overall it was good-bad. Be on the look out for the creepy shoulder touch. What? Husband Unit is still laughing. You’ll have to watch.

I give this a ONE BEER rating. One is enough to have fun watching the ASSASSIN.

ONE BEER

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THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER

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A meteor crashes into Oregon’s Crater Lake and unearths a dinosaur egg. The heat from the meteor causes the egg to hatch, and the emerging dinosaur takes to snacking on the locals. 1977.

Dinosaurs! Meteors! in Oregon! I couldn’t resist, especially since Crater Lake isn’t so far from where I live [less than 2 hours which is like next door in the west]. 

There is only one dinosaur, but we see it often and it eats people. Yay! My favorite type of movie.

It wasn’t filmed at Crater Lake, however. Not even in Oregon. And there was a couple who ended up in Oregon on their way to Las Vegas from LA… that’s a bit of a geography issue.

There were awesome scenes that switched between night and day. There were scenes that didn’t need to be there. One minute the sheriff is wearing sunglasses, the next he isn’t. Awesome! Just what one wants to see in a cheesy dinosaur movie.

The best… a couple rents a boat [there are no boats on Crater Lake] and zooms off to enjoy the moonlight on the lake. A) It was definitely mid afternoon when they shot the scene. B) They comment on seeing all the stars under the moonlight. If there was a full moon, not many stars would be visible. But since this is the same couple that ended up in Oregon on their way to Las Vegas from LA, it’s to be expected.

Dinosaurs eating people bump this to a HALF BEER movie. It was uber fun. You can even watch it for free on YouTube.

HALF A BEER

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The Day Time Ended

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1979. 1st, the description promised dinosaurs. Were those two things supposed to be dinosaurs? And only 2? They didn’t even eat anybody. I’d have liked the movie a lot better with more dinos.

2nd, I can see that’s what the description had to say because there was nothing else describable in known words about the plot except there were aliens, horses, flying robot enemies [which were actually pretty cool], green lighting effects, fog, and these creatures. One of whom knocked on the door and the stupid people opened it. lol Fantabulous.

I loved the way whenever anything horrific happened that the actors just stood around staring. The beginning, middle, and end really didn’t connect and had nothing to do with each other or the dinosaurs. And what was with the ballerina-like little green alien?

You want to watch it now, right?

The character I identified with most was the poor horse they sacrificed to the dinos that weren’t really dinos… I really don’t know what they were.

It wasn’t as fun as The Crater Lake Monster. Definitely not as fun as Assassin, but OK with beer.

Three beers would make this a lot more fun, especially since I felt like I had done drugs by the end, because I was thinking ??? And, honestly, more beer wouldn’t hurt.

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Have you seen any fun bad movies lately?

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In the mood for more science fiction treats? I list my top best bad movies, beer is optional, over at Untethered Realms this week. What? So good, a beer isn’t needed to have fun watching? Yes, it’s true.

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POLAR OPPOSITES: Super Villain Academy Book 2

Polar Opposites

The supers are balanced. Academies have altered their curriculum to teach both sides of the super power spectrum. All’s well in the super world. Right?

When Mystic kidnaps Oceanus, Jeff learns it isn’t all right. Turning to the newly balanced supers for assistance, he panics to find they’ve done nothing to rescue Oceanus. When no ransom request follows, he worries Mystic’s plan never included returning his girlfriend. Frustrated, he’s forced to work with the only super willing to help. Oceanus’ ex-villain, ex-boyfriend, Set.

Mystic isn’t the only one hiding something. Nothing about Jeff is balanced. Temper flares result in scorched clothing or flying furniture, and his charm has become an indiscriminating people-magnet.

Jeff is convinced, or maybe just hopeful, that his lack of control is directly related to Oceanus being gone. But will he and Set find her before Jeff loses control completely and will they find her alive?

 

Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Whiskey Creek Press

Add on Goodreads 

 

 About Kai

 KaiWhen her children were young and the electricity winked out, Kai Strand gathered her family around the fireplace and they told stories, one sentence at a time. Her boys were rather fond of the ending, “And then everybody died. The end.” Now an award winning children’s author, Kai crafts fiction for kids and teens to provide an escape hatch from their reality. With a selection of novels for young adult and middle grade readers and short stories for the younger ones, Kai entertains children of all ages, and their adults. Learn more about Kai and her books on her website, www.kaistrand.com.

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Our Beautiful Child

 

A new book from the talented Annalisa Crawford. Awesome!

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“The Boathouse collects misfits. Strange solitary creatures that yearn for contact with the outside world, but not too much. They sit, glass in hand, either staring at the table in front of them, or at some distant point on the horizon.” 

… so says the narrator of Our Beautiful Child. And he’s been around long enough to know.


People end up in this town almost by accident. Ella is running away from her nightmares, Sally is running away from the memories of previous boyfriends and Rona is running away from university. Each of them seek sanctuary in the 18th century pub, The Boathouse; but in fact, that’s where their troubles begin.


Ella finds love, a moment too late; Rona discovers a beautiful ability which needs refining before she gets hurt; and Sally meets the captivating Murray, who threatens to ruin everything.


Three women. Three stories. One pub.

 

Buy now on Kindle (Nook to follow)

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BROKEN BRANCH FALLS

(MG Fantasy)

by Tara Tyler

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B&N ~~~ Amazon

Publisher: Curiosity Quills

Gabe is an average fifteen-year-old goblin. He’s in the marching band, breezes through calculus, and gets picked on daily by the other kids at school, especially the ogres. But Gabe wants to break out of his nerdy stereotype and try other things. He has his eye on the new ogress at school. Though it’s against all beastly rules, there’s just something about her.


Gabe starts a fad of mingling with other species, forcing the High Council to step in and ruin things by threatening to destroy the school and split up Broken Branch Falls. With help from other outcast friends, Gabe sets out on a quest to save his town. They’ll show ‘em what different friends can do together!

Add it to your GOODREADS list!

 

Tara Tyler has had a hand at everything from waitressing to rocket engineering. After living up and down the Eastern US, she now writes and teaches math in Ohio with her three active boys and Coach Husband. Currently, she has two series, The Cooper Chronicles (techno-thriller detective capers) and Beast World (MG fantasy) She’s an adventure writer who believes every good story should have action, a moral, and a few laughs!
 
 
Also by Tara Tyler, techno-thriller detective series,
The Cooper Chronicles, Book One: POP TRAVEL
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